After five years of desiring to be parents, we have decided to pursue adoption. We want everyone to know that to us, adoption is not a second choice. It has always been in our plans to add to our family since we have started talking about a family. My husband especially has loved the idea of adoption, as his only sister is adopted and so loved by our family. We feel that this is the perfect way to add our first child to the Johnson clan and cannot be more joyful. Adoption is a beautiful example of God's perfect love for his children. We are also open to adoption or adding biological children to our family in the future, should the Lord so bless us.
This journey to become parents has been a long one, plagued with infertility and questions. We never thought when we got married that we would have this long of a journey. We never gave it a second thought that we would be parents. Then after several years, we knew we needed to seek help. We went through the tests, went to the specialists, and received some answers in April of 2014. I was devastated to learn that I have a condition that makes it almost impossible to have a child. I have always wanted to do well in my career, but above all of that I wanted to be a wife and mother. I thought God had given me the dream of being a mother but forgotten to give me the right body to be able to carry a child.
With infertility, everything is costly. With infertility, hope can be costly. Hope can be a dangerous battle. One that is often lost. We were touch and go every month. With every negative test, there was a constant pulse in our conversation. It will be okay. Adoption. It will be okay. Adoption. Adoption....
The joy came again, after we grieved for about a year's time. A peace spread over me before I quite knew why. From about April to August, I had an overwhelming peace from the Lord that passes all understanding. Then, the Lord gave me understanding and gave me a why. In August, we met an expectant mother who at the time made a decision in her heart that her child would go to a couple who wanted a child. At the time she didn't feel like she could be a single mother. The nerves were unreal but when we first met her for coffee; I have never felt such a feeling of nervousness followed by relief! There aren't words to express the instant love, affection, excitement and peace that meeting brought. I will just leave it at that because like I said, there are no words to describe such an experience and some things should be maintained as private and intimate.We dove head first into the home study process and consulted and hired attorneys, got fire inspections, background checks, safety proofed our home, and purchased a beautiful crib. We were invited to accompany the mother to some doctor appointments and ultrasounds.
In the end, the mother decided that she wanted to parent her child.
This journey has taught us that God is good, we can trust him, and he has a perfect plan for our lives. It has also taught us to let go and fully trust him when things don't go according to our plans! We know he loves us and knows the desires of our heart to become parents.
Our Lord knows our path before we even could start worrying about it. He is so good to us. I remember this verse:
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."
~2 Corinthians 16-18
Our journey is not over. We have started saving money and all the donations graciously given to us for our adoption. We will continue to do so as we collect our thoughts and take a deep breath. Then we will move full steam ahead with the process of adopting a child. This is just the beginning of what God has for our family. Please pray for us as we maneuver through the complicated world of adoption.
Love,
Bethany
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