The expectant mother contacted me and told me that she is going to parent her baby and not place for adoption.
Yes, that means this baby is not ours. It never was ours. And we tried to prepare ourselves for that.
Due to our research, our Faith in God, our adoption assessor, our counselor, our awesome support systems of friends and family, we have been fully prepared in our hearts for this possibility. And we are okay.
I would also like to thank the expectant mother for being straight-forward and honest with us from the beginning.
I would never take back the conversations, the paperwork, the ultrasounds, the background checks, the hilarious conversations, the talk about baby names, the deep conversations between a husband and wife about raising children, the dreams, the crib buying, the nursery planning, the excitement of family members and the hard parts.
These parts are what cracked my heart wide open to adoption.
I truly needed that.
I needed peace that it was okay to pursue adoption and adding a child to our family this way, and God provided that through this experience.
How to survive a failed adoption:
Risk your life for your sisters wedding by hanging gossamer from an unholy height.
Hug your husband as soon as you walk in the door.
Get beautiful flowers from your husband.
Get cooked a lovely steak dinner by your handsome husband.
Get a beautiful long-awaited diamond wrap for your wedding ring from handsome husband.
Say it will be okay and believe it.
Snuggle your puppies and kiss them, even though they hate the loud smack of your lips on their head.
Cuddle up in your warm bed and fall straight asleep.
Wake up to a wonderful message of hope and love from your husband.
Drink warm coffee in a warm home.
Watch Pride and Prejudice unashamedly for the second time in a week. {"Ohhh, Mr. Bennett, my poor nerves!"}
Plan your spring garden and everything you want to do this year.
Think of how awesome your vacation is going to be this year.
Plan and dream and heal with your husband.
Revel in peace that comes from only God.
It does pass understanding, doesn't it? I mean I don't understand it but it's totally there. And so real.
And please please please do not say one negative thing about the birth mom. Do. Not. Go. There. I will not abide by it. Pray for her. She is about to become a single mother and is nervous. But guess what? She's awesome and her daughter is most blessed to have her as a mother for their whole lives together. Whatever their lives bring, they will not have to suffer the pain of separation from adoption.
It doesn't make sense that I am joyful for her gain and my loss just like it doesn't make sense that she was so joyful for our potential gain of her child. But that is the hard bittersweetness of adoption. It doesn't make sense.
Adoption is a loss. A loss for a child that didn't have a choice. Yes we believe in adoption but we also believe that a parent should parent if they are able. And she has found out that with the Lord's strength, she will be able!
If you are a part of Christ's church and in any way want to pray for this situation, pray for the mother. Do not turn your back on a woman in the church who has a child while unmarried. Love her and love that child as the blessing that it is. Support her, throw her a shower, rejoice with her, buy food and clothes and toys, offer to help babysit while she goes back to school, and encourage her. It does. not. matter. how that child came into the world. Children are a gift from God period. There are no conditions.
If you want to pray for us, please do! I would hesitate to post the typical responses of pity and sorrow as I just don't think I can take them right now. I am in a really good place but others feeling pity for me just really brings me down. So if anything, just revel in the joy that the Lord has an even greater plan for us! Please please consider supporting us as we continue this journey. We will need all the help we can get. We are not done with this adoption journey! It's just going to look a little different now!
We must decide if we are going with a private adoption agency and if so we must actually select each one out of the three we have contacted. We must also save up approximately $19,000-$23,000 for that option. If we consider foster to adopt we must have everything in its place and be completely sure that is what the Lord has for us, as it is the biggest roller coaster ride we could imagine embarking on! There are many options to consider prayerfully and carefully but we know that the Lord will never leave us on this path of adding to our family.
Bethany
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